How to Properly Pack Meat

While I'm at the gym I always watch the cooking shows.  One time I saw a TV chef handle raw chicken boobs and proceed to "wash" her hands by simply wiping her hands on a dry towel. After that she grabbed the wooden stirring spoon and then started chopping delightful parsley sprigs. All of which were grossly contaminated by salmonella bearing chicken juice.  I almost fell off the treadmill. 

So here's a step by step process of how to safely package meat without contaminating the rest of the kitchen. 

1.  Wash hands.  (Twenty seconds under hot water....WITH soap)
2.  Open ziploc bags and fluff them so they stay open.
3.  Open meat package.  (Ground turkey is better for you)
4.  Wash hands
5.  Grab a handful of meat with your right hand (left if you're a leftie)
6.  With your left hand, which is uncontaminated, open the previously fluffed baggie
7.  Repeat steps 5 and 6
8.  Wash hands
9.  Seal ziploc baggies
10.  Wash hands
11.  Use a sharpie to label the bags
12.  Place bags in freezer. 
13.  Wash hands. 
14.  Use kitchen cleaner and paper towel to sterilize the kitchen counter
15.  Throw paper towel away (Obviously)
16.  Wash hands. 
17.  Wash hands again.
18.  Eat Reese's peanut butter cups (Therapy for the trauma of touching raw meat)
19.  Wash hands.